Subject: Fathers-Kicking goals
From: "Fatherhood Foundation" <[email-masked]>
To: "Warwick Marsh" <[email-masked]>
Date: Sun, 30 Nov 2003 06:39:22 +1000

Issue No. 66-1st December, 2003

visit us at www.fathersonline.org

Welcome to fathersonline.org

Dads with Young Children

Grandads

Laughter

Single Dads

Special Feature

Thought for the Week

News & Info

Dad's Prayer

Mission Statement & Help Us!

Welcome to fathersonline.org

Dear Warwick,

Who could forget those images of the last few weeks as the nations of the world converged on Australia to fight it out for the Rugby Union World Cup.  The many teams fought hard and strong to make the final but it was

England and Australia that ended up in front of a television audience of over 3 billion people in an event that was only surpassed by the Olympics and the Soccer World Cup for international acceptance and acclamation.

The game itself went to extra time and to quote Paul Achford, “for sheer drama and tension was unsurpassed’.  It certainly had my family and I on the edge of our seats as the score finished equal at half time.  It was the seeming magic of Jonny Wilkinson’s boot that won the world cup for England and made him the man of the match and player of the year.

The two images that grabbed my attention as a father were the English player who received his trophy medal with his two year old daughter in his arms.  This is an image 3 billion people may never forget and more importantly, neither will his daughter.  What an honour for her when she grows up to show the world how her father gladly shared his moment of glory with ‘daddy’s little girl’.  Oh for a generation of dads like that.

The second image that grabbed my mind was Jonny Wilkinson, not kicking the winning field goal, but the image of Jonny Wilkinson practising his kicking, in the rain.  They tell me that such is Jonny’s devotion to his ball skills that he even practises on Christmas Day.  What has that got to do with fathers?  Jonny Wilkinson captivated our minds and hearts with his seemingly effortless accuracy under pressure, but it was Jonny Wilkinson’s determination and dedication over the long haul that gave him the title of ‘Man of the Match’.

No one can take the title of father away from you but it will be your determination and dedication as a father that will give you the accolades as the man of the match in your home.  Being a father is changing the dirty nappies, picking up the toys, tucking your children into bed, saying prayers with your children, taking your children to fly a kite, innumerable school assemblies and visits and the hundred and one things that happen as we stay committed to winning the greatest game of all, that of being a good father to our children and not just a good father, but a great father.  Thanks for your inspiration Jonny Wilkinson.  We, as fathers, can learn by your example.

Lovework

Start practising kicking field goals in the rain.  No, just kidding!

Just keep on doing what you are doing as a father, day in, day out.

Work towards becoming a father of excellence.

What is a father of excellence?

Someone who practises the art of fathering every day, even when it’s raining, and is not afraid to share his greatest moment of glory with his daughter or son.

Yours for more fathers practising in the rain

Warwick Marsh

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Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 28 years. He is the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 22 years to 11 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

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Dads with Young Children

THE ART OF FATHERING - BACK TO THE FUTURE

What does the future hold in store for us? Just imagine if we were able to see into the future. Just imagine being able to tell your children what is going to happen, and what they can do now to either change the course of nature, or further improve current day activities to complement the future.

If we were to reflect on our lives, we would perhaps, as I am, be amazed at some of the paths we have chosen. I look at my career path, and often ponder the reason why I have changed my occupation so regularly. And often, these career changes are full circle and contrasting in nature. From the Bank, to the Steelworks, to the Coal Mine, to University, to Accountancy, and now…to the Church in a ministerial role. Yep, you heard right…I am about to leave my position as an accountant and take on a role with the Church we regularly attend. I know, I know, I will probably get the same reaction as I did when I left the coalmine to go to University, mouths agape and with genuine concern for our whole family’s future. But, without change comes stagnation, and I will certainly never be accused of being stagnant in my career choices.

So, what does this exciting new role consist of? Children’s Ministry. Yes, one of the most, I believe, important and life changing ministry’s in the church. What a privilege to be able to impact the lives of hundreds of children. We have around 240 children attend the kid’s ministry program every week, and without a suitable and structured program on offer, the kid’s would not be getting fed the good news that is Jesus. Once again, when reflecting on my past, I wonder how the future may have been impacted, and how it would be different today if my choices and decisions as a child growing up were to change. As children we are guided and pressured by those actions and beliefs of both friends and family. Children have an amazing ability to believe and accept what they are told, having absolute faith, unquestioned, and non analytical in acceptance. It is due to this acceptance, that as a teacher of sorts, I must be prepared to provide only the best of instruction, whilst under the ethical and moral umbrella that is not dissimilar to the role of being a father.

You see, being a father carries a greater responsibility than any other occupation or role today. It is more significant, more life changing, and more rewarding than any “Paid” role. We have a God given right to provide for our children, in particular the teaching we provide along the way, that will help mould and shape them for adulthood. I love my kids, and I want only the best for them. I see everyday the impact I have on them as I go about my daily business, constantly reminded that they are watching every move I make. They are watching how I treat each of them in all circumstances, how I treat others, and often, most importantly, my ability to spare time for them.

Although we may often reflect on our past, and ponder the choices made…we should also ponder the future, and what impact our choices will have on us, and our family. What impact will my/your current career path have? At the end of the day, the choices we make are exactly that…choices. We can shape our future!!…Go back to the future and consider those choices, and consider the effect on our kids…after all, they are worth it.

Till next time. Paul

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Paul Sloan is an accountant working in Maroochydoore. He is married with three children aged two, ten and thirteen years. Paul is an active surfer who lives on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland. He is a family man who hasn't lost his sense of humour.

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Grandads

Being a Granddad

By Norman Duncombe

All care but no responsibility, spoil them rotten and send them home.

Is this a cliché that we have heard many times.

Actually, grandparenting is a dimension beyond parenting. We have seen our children grow up, educated , entered into a meaningful career, and, hopefully, found a husband or wife who is `right’ for them and then produce their own children.

This series of events can be a most exciting and fulfilling experience for a grandparent. It’s hard to describe the emotions that overtake one when they are told that the child produced in loving wedlock has grown and will themselves now continue the process of human propagation. It seems in a sense, that we are now irrelevant, but it doesn’t always work out that way. Although we may feel distant, we are compelled to pray the new arrival into the world; from conception to birth we pray that the new child will be mentally and physically perfect, and then the little one arrives! What an experience. We swear that it looks just like it’s parent when he or she was born a generation ago. Well we are part of it all after all, and the true role and place begin to be revealed as if by some God given instinct. There may be siblings to be looked after, and, as if by some unwritten direction, grandparents, particularly grandmother (or nanna), step into the role. Children are cared for, taken to school, comforted, played with, and the whole cycle of life carries on.

Perhaps my experience of grandparenting has been too stereotype. I Know there are grandparents who have been denied the simple joys that have come so naturally to my wife and I,  because of our place in the family, I feel so deeply for those who have not had the benefit of our experience, experiences that are really yours by divine right.

Unfortunately ours is not a perfect world. How we wish it was as we pray in our Lord’s prayer , that the will of God the Father be done on earth as it is in heaven.

_________________________________________________________

Norm is a practising grandfather with 10 grandchildren. He lives on the Central Coast and commutes around the country with his wife to see their grandchildren.

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Laughter

Why does love happen between two particular people?

'One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too.' -- Andrew, age 6

'No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell ... That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular.' -- Mae, age 9
'I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful.' -- Manuel, age 8

On what falling in love is like...
'Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.' -- John, age 9
'If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long.' -- Glenn, age 7

On the role appearance plays on love...
'If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful.' -- Anita, age 8
'It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet.' -- Brian, age 7
'Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.' -- Christine, age 9

Reflections on the nature of love...
'Love is the most important thing in the world, but baseball is pretty good too.' -- Greg, age 8

How do people in love typically behave?
'Mooshy... like puppy dogs... except puppy dogs don't wag their tails nearly as much.' -- Arnold, age 10
'All of a sudden, the people get movie fever so they can sit together in the dark.' -- Sherman, age 8

Concerning why lovers hold hands...
'They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them.'-- Gavin, age 8
'They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing.' -- John, age 9

Confidential opinions about love...
'I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'Dinosaurs' is on television.' -- Jill, age 6
'Love is foolish ... but I still might try it sometime.' -- Floyd, age 9
'Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.' -- Dave, age 8
'I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough.' -- Regina, age 10

The personal qualities you need to have in order to be a good lover...
'Sensitivity don't hurt.' -- Robbie, age 7
'One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.' -- Ava, age 8

Some surefire ways to make a person fall in love with you...
'Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.' -- Del, age 6
'Yell out that you love them at the top of your lungs ... and don't worry if their parents are right there.' -- Manuel, age 8
'Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love.' -- Alonzo, age 9
'One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.' -- Bart, age 9

How can you tell if two adults eating dinner at a restaurant are in love?
'Just see if the man picks up the bill. That's how you can tell if he's in love. -- 'Bobby, age 9
'Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold ...Other people care more about the food.' -- Bart, age 9
'Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or they just broke up.' -- Sarah, age 9
'See if the man has lipstick on his face.' -- Sandra, age 7
'It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are --- on fire.' -- Christine, age 9

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Single Dads

Children need a Parent at Home.

by John Flanagan

At least one parent should be at home when children come home from school. Children should not come home to an empty house. This is regardless of whether the children are in either primary school or secondary school. Both the Federal Government and the Federal Opposition do not see it this way.

The Department of Family and Community Services (FaCS) has said that 852,600 children were growing up in jobless families. The Government  sees this as a problem that has to be addressed.

Legislation has been recently brought in to force single parents into either part-time work, training or volunteer programmes. This will apply to any single parent, who have been receiving parenting payment for six (6) months, when the youngest child turns six (6) years old.

Under Centrelink’s “Parents and Employment” programme, these single parents will be asked to attend an annual interview. They will be asked by Centrelink why they have not found a job.

Regardless of whether the single parents are single mums or single dads,  this action can have devastating social and emotional effects on our children. This has not been taken into account by our Government.

The Labor Party’s Opposition Family and Community Services spokesperson Wayne Swan has also expressed some concern with the number of jobless single parents. He has said that something should be done to reduce the figures without saying what.

My answer is that single parents should be allowed to stay at home. This is because of the significant potential social impact on the children if they do not. This includes increased delinquency, lower educational performance, increased crime and increased drug abuse among other problems.

Both the Federal Government and the Federal Opposition need to start looking at the social costs and not just at present day costs. The present day costs are insignificant in comparison, when children are concerned.

__________________________________________________________

John Flanagan.

John Flanagan has twin daughters aged 7 years. He is a non-resident parent. John is also the Assistant Secretary of the Fairness in Child Support (F.I.C.S.) group located in Wollongong. F.I.C.S. is open to all members of our community who are interested in reforming family law and other related issues.
John is also a member of the Non-Custodial Parents Party.

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Special Feature

TO DISPEL THE ILLUSIONS OF FATHERHOOD

Excerpts from ‘goal 2’ in ‘The Sixty Minute Father’

Hodder & Stoughton Ltd ©1995 Rob Parsons

We hate stopping for petrol.  Why do we hate it so much?  It’s because when we pull into the service station we look out over the road and see all the cars and trucks we had overtaken going past.

Illusion 1: “I have no choice”

It’s 10:50 am.  You are in the fast lane of the motorway and have just thirty minutes to get to the meeting.  The road seems reasonably clear, and the fog that dogged you has evaporated.  And then you see it.  You glance at your fuel gauge and it’s nudging empty.  You feel a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach but as you lift your eyes you see a sign announcing there’s a service station in a kilometre.  You drop your speed, move into the slower lane and then suddenly change your mind.  You mutter to yourself, “I’ve got enough to get me there, I’ll fill up after the meeting.’  You sail past the service station.

You almost made it.  If it hadn’t been for that traffic jam you would have got there.  As it is, you are trudging along the highway, can in hand, and with all hope of the meeting long since gone.  You ask yourself, “Why didn’t I stop back there?’  The answer to that question may lie a little deeper than the time pressure; it can be found in your personality.

Some of us have a personality type that leads us into a certain lifestyle.  See if you can identify with any of the following characteristics that identify those of us who live like that.

We do things quickly. We talk fast, walk fast and drive fast - even on holiday.  It’s a sunny afternoon, the whole world seems to be enjoying rowing slowly down the lazy river.  Except for us.  We have decided to race the ducks, the woman walking on the bank, and the man in a boat further up the river.  We alone are making waves!

We are very competitive.  We compete over everything and find to our embarrassment that when playing board games with small children we are desperately trying to win.

We cannot resist a telephone ringing.  The worst thing in life that can happen to us is to get to the telephone just as it stops ringing.  If this happens, we begin to ring people, asking, ‘Was that you trying to get through to me just a moment ago?’

We swap lanes in traffic jams - even though we know that there is an eternal law that the lane we have just joined will move more slowly than the one we just left.

When driving, we are constantly working out complex mathematical sums - the airport is 90kms away.  If I drive at 90kms an hour, it will take one hour.  If I drive at 45kms an hour, it will take two hours.  If I drive at 70 kms an hour…no that’s too difficult.

We are fascinated by numbers. The first thing we do when we get in a car at the beginning of a long journey is to set the trip meter.  We don’t do anything with that number we just like to know how far we’ve been.

We polyphase.  That means we do lots of things at once.  We may be reading our child a bedtime story, whilst on the phone to a customer and at the same time completing our expense form.

We find it hard to relax and often get ill on holiday.

And would you believe it…

Now of course, very few people have all those characteristics but most of us have some.  Actually that kind of lifestyle is not conducive to effectiveness either at work or at home.  But there’s something even more interesting.  Such people tend to have another characteristic…

They work long hours irrespective of need.

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Thought for the Week

If Rugby’s the game played in heaven

Secure your ticket now!

(sign outside church at the height of the Rugby World Cup)

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News & Info

Letters

25th November 2003

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

…I wish to express my support for your organization, the Fatherhood Foundation, as you endeavour to provide support and assistance for families, and particularly fathers.  I note that you are working towards Australia’s first Fatherhood Summit next year and I trust that this event will prove to be significant…

As you may be aware, the NSW Government announced last year that the Dept. of Community Services (DoCS) would receive a $1.2 billion funding package over six years to boost child and family services.  There will be many priority projects implemented as part of this funding package which will involve DoCS working with partner agencies, peak bodies and major service providers to improve services for children and families in NSW.

Thank you for writing to me about your organisation’s aims and operations.

Carmel Tebbutt MLC NSW

Minister for Community Services

Minister for Ageing

Minister for Disability services

Minister for Youth

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24th November 2003

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

…Parenting is a critical role in our community and both fathers and mothers need support to enable the next generation of Australians to reach adulthood as healthy and well balanced individuals.

You may be aware that the South Australia Legislative Council recently established a select committee into the status of fatherhood.  I am pleased that I have been appointed as a member and look forward to hearing evidence as to how this important cause may be advanced.

…I wish your organization every success.

Hon Michelle Lensink MLC SA

Email: [email-masked]

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23rd November 2003

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

The South Australian Government agrees with your foundation that dads should be supported to fulfill their fathering role.  Loving and effective parents are important to all children in our community.

I was interested to read your 12 point plan and would also be interested to see the outcomes of the National Strategic Conference on Fatherhood.

I wish you well in your endeavours and urge your organisation to continue supporting, educating and mentoring fathers within the community.

Hon Stephanie Key MP

Minister for Social Justice SA

Email: [email-masked]

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Dad's Prayer

Dear God

Help me practice my goal kicking in the rain.

I don’t want to become a member of the Wallabies.

Well, maybe I do . . . in my dreams!

What I’m trying to say is –

Help me practise the art of becoming a good father on a

consistent basis because practice makes perfect.

Oh, and by the way,

Is Rugby Union really the game they play in heaven?

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Mission Statement & Help Us!

Mission Statement
The Fatherhood Foundation is a charitable, non profit incorporated association with a goal to inspire men to a greater level of excellence as fathers, by encouraging and educating them, thereby renewing and empowering families.

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation believes that the key to life is giving.  That's why this newsletter is given freely without expectation.  Life is also about relationships.  That's what being a good father is all about, developing relationships with your loved ones.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation,

please mail your cheque or money order to:

Fatherhood Foundation

PO Box 440

WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520

AUSTRALIA

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